SASSYCAT CONQUERS A LAP
This is bad. If I keep on being ignored, my self-esteem will start to go down. Just because I have a lot of it doesn’t mean I don’t have to look after it. I need someone to fascinate.
Then Nathan brings home his latest girlfriend. Her name is Suzee and she’s blonde and small, pretty and perky. She wears bright pink and shows a lot of bare skin around her shoulders and belly button. They arrive in Suzee’s car, just in time for dinner.
Mum groans when the car pulls up. ‘Oh no, I’d forgotten she was coming tonight. I’ll have to stretch out dinner with a salad.’
Suzee waltzes into the lounge room and Nathan introduces her all round. She’s very sure of herself – obviously a person who dreams successful dreams. She’s hardly said Hi to Midge when she catches sight of me.
‘Oh look, what a darling!’
At last, somebody who understands how to give a cat proper attention. She swoops onto me and starts stroking from ears to tail. Good. A long smooth stroke is always acceptable.
Nathan tries to get in on the act. ‘Cute, isn’t he? I mean she. She’s a female. We call her Sassycat. Sass for short’
What a crawler! As if I’d let him call me Sass! He’s so transparent!
‘I love the white sox.’ Suzee starts tickling me under the chin. A young woman of taste—but what about the whiskers? ‘And hasn’t she got long whiskers!’
Suddenly a purr breaks out … and it’s mine! I move off before Suzee can get carried away and gather me up in her arms.
The family has been hovering around, not knowing what to do. Then Mum starts to organise the setting of the table and the making of the salad.
I stroll in front of the TV cabinet and take up a position on the carpet. Suzee is still watching as I catch my tail in my paw and start washing it. One of my most appealing habits. Nathan stands with a silly fake grin on his face, but he doesn’t stand a chance. Suzee is obviously more interested in me than anyone else.
She stays interested until dinnertime. Then they all sit around the table in the kitchen. Mum, Suzee and Nathan talk about university and grades and aims in life. It’s a strange human thing, having an aim in life.
(Photo is Bibi, the real life original for Sassycat in the book)
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